


Like a Prayer

by MissLit



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Can you tell I grew up catholic, F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Lots of 80s song references, M/M, One Shot, Original Character(s), Pre-Canon, Religious Imagery, nothing sexually explicit, this is a rough one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:51:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLit/pseuds/MissLit
Summary: Before he was voted Maple Bay's number one youth minister, Joseph was a troubled boy who needed an out. When he finally returned to Maple Bay, his bad habits came back to haunt him in all the worst ways.





	Like a Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> There are a lot of unanswered questions when it comes to Joseph, particularly if you disregard the infamous cult ending. This is my answer to some of those questions.

_The light of the candles in the church left an odd glow around the pews. As he made his way to the confessional he tried his best to avoid eye contact with the praying parishioners. He’d been coming to confession once a week in the hopes he would have the nerve to clean his slate. He wanted to, but there was still the fear that someone other than Father would find out._  

_He knelt, performed the sign of the cross, then slipped into the booth. It was dark, the priest on the other side obscured with an ornate divider. Pinpricks of light shone through it onto his hands, but he couldn’t see the man’s face._

_“Speak, my child,” the priest said, gently._

_Even though they weren’t supposed to know who was on the other side, Maple Bay was a small town and it had only one priest. That was Father Williams, of course._

_“Forgive me, Father,” Joseph began. He was trembling and had to grip his knees. “For I have sinned. My last confession was Sunday.”_

_“What do you have to confess?” Father Williams asked._

_Swallowing hard, Joseph hesitated. “I, um… I lied to my parents,” he managed. He could see Father nodding for him to continue. “I threw a baseball and it broke a window in our house. I told them it wasn’t me, because I was afraid I would get in trouble.”_

_“Lies grow heavy on the soul the more we tell them,” Father replied. “It is always better to tell the truth and receive your earthly punishment than to lie and wait for God’s.”_

_He had a point. Joseph was already starting to relax, but that hadn’t been why he was there._

_“I was also mean to my mom. I told her I didn’t want to do my chores and I went outside without asking permission.”_

_“There are times when we don’t want to do what’s required of us. However, your parents ask these things of you because they care about you.”_

_That was all the easy stuff. Joseph sat in silence, considering how he was going to explain the next confession._

_Father Williams seemed to sense his anxiety. “Is there something else weighing on your heart?” he asked._

_“Yes, Father,” Joseph replied immediately, remembering what he’d been told about lying. “I haven’t been able to confess it the last few times I’ve come. I’m… Afraid. I don’t want my dad to find out, I don’t want to get in trouble.”_

_“God hears you. He knows that you have been troubled by this and he wishes for you to speak freely so that your slate might be wiped clean.” Joseph could feel the last of his nervousness slipping away. “Your secret is between us and God, child, please speak.”_

_Joseph nodded, looking down at his knees. “I’ve… Been having impure thoughts.”_

 

“Daddy!”

Joseph’s eyes snapped open as a little body jumped onto his chest. He let out a grunt, sitting up on his elbows to eye Chris.

“Daddy, it’s morning. I’m hungry.”

Morning… Joseph glanced at the clock at his bedside. It was eight o’clock, yet he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. He sat up fully, wrapping his arms around Chris. “Well good morning, Hungry, I’m Dad,” he teased, beginning to tickle him. Chris squealed with laughter and he couldn’t help laughing, too.

Mary slipped into the room, holding their twin babies on her hips. She was still wearing her robe and yawned. “Good morning. I figured I’d let the terror get you out of bed.” She had a teasing smirk on her lips.

“That’s alright, this is my favorite way to wake up,” Joseph answered. He hoisted Chris over his shoulder who screamed in delight. “Sounds like I need to make us a pancake breakfast.”

“Pancakes!!” Chris cried.

Joseph crossed the room to Mary, giving her a peck on the lips. She returned it happily and they paused to look into each other’s eyes. Everything was simple and sweet, just the two of them and their happy little family. “You could have woken me up if you needed help,” Joseph murmured.

“I’ve got it. You can make it up to me with breakfast in bed,” Mary replied with a grin.

Chris was squirming so much now that Joseph had to shift him in his arms. “Can do, first mate Mary.”

“Daddy!” Chris whined. “I thought I was first mate!”

“You are first mate,” Mary said. “Daddy’s skipper, and Mommy is the captain.”

“Your mother’s right, Chris,” Joseph sighed. “I’ve been demoted.”

Joseph got to work on the pancakes, letting Chris play on the floor at his feet. Saturdays were his favorite days; he only occasionally had a youth program in the evenings and had the rest of the day to spend with his beautiful family. The twins were nearing their second birthday and Joseph could already tell they were going to be a handful. Chris, at least, was quiet for the most part. It was almost too bad that he’d be getting into school soon enough, Joseph was going to miss their mid-afternoon naps.

It was strange to think that only a few years ago he was living in some city far from here, convinced he would never lead a life like this.

“Daddy!!”

Chris had clambered up the back of the couch and was bouncing excitedly as he looked out the window.

Plating the last pancake, Joseph wiped his hands on his apron and rushed over, scooping Chris up. “Don’t jump on the couch, Chris, you could hurt yourself.”

“There’s a big truck outside! Lookie!”

Sure enough, a moving truck was parked in front of the long-vacant house next door to them. Joseph blinked, trying to peer around it to see who was there. He could see a moody-looking woman, barely out of her teens, with long dark hair. Another woman was walking into the house, ordering the moving people around. “Looks like we have new neighbors,” Joseph noted. “You know what that means.”

“Cookies!” Chris managed to squirm out of his arms and rushed over to the stairs. “Mama! Cookies!”

Joseph could hear Mary yell back, “Not for breakfast!” as he turned back to the window. Were they a couple, the two women? No, she looked too young, maybe she was her daughter. Was the father gone..?

A man came around the truck to the younger woman, carrying a box labeled “Dad’s Lame Movies.” Joseph’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him. Dark hair, sun-kissed skin, that rugged charm that other men managed to pull off flawlessly that he could never could.

There was something about the new neighbor. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Not that he’d met him before, just that there was someone he knew before who was similar.

 

_“His name is also Joseph,” he was explaining to the priest. It was hours after confession was finished, and he was seated in Father Williams’ office. “But he doesn’t like that, he goes by Joey.”_

_After briefly explaining about his ‘impure thoughts,’ Father Williams had suggested he explain more about them later when there would be more time and they could be alone. They sat across from one another at his desk in the basement of the church now, far from listening ears._

_“Joey, hm? Does his family come to the church?”_

_“Are you going to tell him?” Joseph asked, worried. “That I talked about him in confession?”_

_Chuckling, Father shook his head. “No, of course not. I just want to know if I would recognize him.”_

_“He’s new here. His family just moved.” Joseph hesitated. “He’s got wavy black hair. And he always wears dirty jeans and a hoodie. But I didn’t start thinking about him like that until after recess a while ago."_

_He could remember the meeting so clearly. It was like it was happening over and over again every moment of every day. He couldn’t get Joey out of his head, he couldn’t forget how it felt._

_Father Williams leaned a bit closer. “And what happened at recess, Joseph?”_

_Joseph sucked in a breath. “We were talking. And he said he thought I’d never kissed anybody. And I said I had, my mom and dad kiss me every night before bed. But he said that wasn’t the same.” Father Williams was nodding along with his story. “So I asked him what was different about what he meant. And he told me that… That you can kiss people other than your parents. You can kiss them on the lips.”_

_“You can,” the Father replied, slowly. “What did he do next?”_

_“He, um. He told me that he liked my hair. And then he pushed me and said that I probably wanted to kiss him. I didn’t really say anything, but then he got real close to me and he asked me.” Joseph could still hear Joey’s half-angry, half-hopeful voice on the playground. “Do you wanna kiss me? That’s what he asked. And I didn’t know but… I said yes.”_

_Leaning closer still, Father murmured, “How did it feel, Joseph?”_

_Joseph bit his lip. “It wasn’t the same as kissing Mom or Dad on the cheek. His lips were chapped and he pushed into me a bit too hard. But I kind of liked it. And now I keep thinking that I want to do it again.” Joseph suddenly got a panicked look on his face. “But I can’t.”_

_“No?”_

_Shaking his head, Joseph added, “I can’t because when I asked Dad what he thought about boys dating other boys he said it was okay for some people, but that if I did it he’d be disappointed. I can’t let my dad know, I can’t tell him.”_

_“Disappointed..?”_

_“He said it’s not okay for us because we’re with the church,” Joseph admitted. He looked close to tears, he could feel them stinging his eyes and causing his throat to tighten uncomfortably. “Please don’t tell my dad. I won’t do it again, I’ve been ignoring Joey since it happened and I promise not to do it anymore.”_

_Father Williams sat back in his seat, contemplating for a moment. “I think that you’re going to have to come back another time, Joseph. I need to think about what this means and how the Lord is going to help us clear your slate.”_

_A few tears slipped down Joseph’s cheeks. “What..? H-how long is it going to take?”_

_“Come back to my office tomorrow evening. I’ll have an answer for you then.”_

 

Joseph shifted the freshly-baked plate of cookies in his hand as he walked alone to the new neighbors. Mary would have been happy to join him, but the twins were fussing and Chris had just gone down for a nap. It wasn’t often they were separated these days, only really when he was at work. But she’d insisted that he go and make a new friend. It was traditional, after all, to take treats over for the new neighbors. 

He paused once he got to the stoop. That man, he reminded him a lot of Joey. The thought of Joey made his chest ache. That was someone he hadn’t thought about in a while. He wondered if Mary remembered Joey, too. After steeling himself and putting on an award-winning smile, Joseph rang the doorbell.

A moment or so later, the door was opened. Joseph could feel his face getting warm when he realized it was the husband who’d answered.

“Oh. Hey,” the man greeted, pointing at the cookies. “I didn’t know people actually did that, is this for real?”

Joseph let out a nervous laugh. “Yes, they’re pretty real. Hi, I’m Joseph Christiansen, my wife and I live next door.”

“Robert Small. My wife and I just moved in today. Although, you probably knew that considering you brought cookies.” Robert squinted at him. “Unless… You can see the future. You have to tell me if you can see the future, Joseph, it’s the law.”

“Isn’t that for cops and drugs?” Joseph teased. Robert seemed pleased that he could keep up with his banter.

“New law, it goes for psychics too. You can’t lie about being psychic because there was some kid who died a few years back. He was buried somewhere in the forest and apparently there was a lady, some psychic, who said she knew where he was and that he’d died. Of course, she’d never told anyone before that she was psychic so no one believed her, but one police officer decided to have a look based on her tip. Sure as shit, he found the kid’s dead body. And she ended up getting arrested.” Robert pointed at Joseph. “So, are you psychic? You tell me and it could save lives.”

Joseph blinked a couple times, unsure what to think of Robert’s tale. Was he serious or..? “Ah… No, I’m not psychic.”

“I’m just pulling your leg, man,” Robert finally said after an uncomfortable pause.

“Oh!”

“... Or am I?”

Joseph bit his lip, uncertain how to respond. 

“Robert, are you teasing the new neighbors already?”

The woman from earlier squeezed up beside him and gave Joseph a sweet smile. She was pretty, certainly, but she had a sadness in her eyes that Joseph couldn’t quite pinpoint. She just looked tired.

“Aw, you brought us cookies? I didn’t know people actually did that,” she said with a smile. “My name’s Marilyn, I’m sure you’ve already met my charming husband.”

“You really think I’m charming?” Robert put a hand over his chest. “The long con has worked all these years.”

Joseph chuckled. They seemed to have a good dynamic. “Well here, go ahead and take these. I made them myself so don’t be surprised if they’re not the best.”

“Fathers should have more pride in their housework, Joseph. You’re a strong independent man who don’t need no premade cookies.”

“I’ll take that to heart,” Joseph replied as he watched Robert take a bite. He groaned in approval.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. These are amazing.” Snatching the plate from Marilyn, Robert retreated into the house, calling for Val. That must have been their daughter.

Marilyn gave Joseph another smile. “Thank you for coming over like this, you really didn’t have to. We’re not used to this kind of hospitality, or this perfect of a neighborhood, either.”

“It was no trouble at all. Oh, and I wasn’t just bringing cookies to be altruistic, I’m also networking. I’m the youth minister at the church in town, so if you two are ever interested there are plenty of events going on.”

“I’m afraid we’re not that young.”

“Rats, lost another one,” Joseph joked. “Well, if you change your mind, my wife and I spend a lot of time running events. We have bake sales and dances and car washes and the like, you don’t even have to be religious to come. We’d be happy to have you.”

Marilyn nodded. “Sounds like you do a lot around here. Maybe we’ll stop by for a bake sale or two, if Robert’s reaction to your cookies is anything to go by.”

From inside the house they could hear Robert crying out, “Ohhh my god, Joseph! Joseph these cookies! Oh! Oh god!”

Marilyn rubbed the bridge of her nose as Joseph stifled a laugh. “You’ll have to forgive him. He can be… A handful.”

“It’s fine, I’m sure my wife says the same about me. It was good to meet you, Marilyn.”

On the walk back home, Joseph’s thoughts wandered back to Joey. He hadn’t heard from Joey since he came back to Maple Bay. Once, really, but that was it. But thinking of Joey always reminded him of something worse.

 

_“Are you sure, Father?”_

_Joseph was trembling. He was in Father Williams office again, just as he’d been told. He was staring at the priest in confusion._

_“I’m afraid so. The Lord will forgive you, and me, but first you need to do exactly what I say.”_

_Swallowing, Joseph breathed, “I don’t know about this…”_

_Father Williams cupped his cheek in his hand. “Do you want God to forgive you for your sins?” He couldn’t manage to speak. Slowly, Joseph nodded. “Very well. Then you’ll do as I say.”_

 

The blond was snapped out of his thoughts as he realized Mary had been speaking to him. He turned to her and gave her a patient smile. “I’m sorry, dear, what?” 

She was busy trying to feed both the twins at once while Chris picked at his apple slices. “I asked how the neighbors liked your cookies.”

“I think they liked them well enough.”

Joseph nodded along as he listened to Mary tell him about how much the twins had grown and the school she was trying to enroll Chris in. He helped her feed them and tried to concentrate, but his mind kept wandering. It had been a few years since he’d even given that man a thought. At first it was hard, coming back to the church, but he knew he needed to do it. After awhile he just threw himself into his work and forgot all about him. But now this Robert guy showed up and…

Mary placed a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Do you need to lie down?” she asked, gently. She was watching him, worriedly.

“I’m okay,” Joseph answered, giving her a huge smile and a peck on the cheek. “Do you need help putting the babies to bed?”

He wasn't fooling her. He never could.

“Go lay down. I’ll be there in a minute,” she said, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He hesitated before nodding, watching her carry the twins into their room. Chris trailed behind her.

Laying in bed was almost worse. Joseph stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing through all the horrors. He closed his eyes, trying hard to think of something better.

 

_He was sixteen. It had been years since it started but he couldn’t do much to stop it at this point. He sat off to the side at a youth mixer at church, waiting for Father Williams to come over to him again, to ask him to dance, to none-too-subtly ask him to meet him down in his office. Joseph crossed his arms over his chest, watching the disgusting old man as he wound his way around the floor, talking to the other youths._

_“What’s with the face, sourpuss?”_

_Joseph turned, glancing at the girl who’d approached him. She had long, wavy brown hair and was wearing a pretty sundress. Even though Maple Bay was a small town, he didn’t recognize her._

_He tried his best to put on a happy face. He’d gotten good at pretending, for his dad. He couldn’t stand the idea of someone finding out. “What sour face? I’m perfectly happy.”_

_Leaning down to his level, the girl said, “Really? Cause it looks like you’re trying to eye-murder that kid over there.” Robert followed her pointing to some stranger across the room. He didn’t even know who that was, but apparently that’s where Father Williams must have been last._

_“No, I don’t know that kid. I was just thinking. A lot.”_

_“Thinking about what?” she asked, taking a seat beside him._

_“Jesus,” Joseph retorted._

_The girl didn’t look convinced. “I’m Mary,” she said. “Do you wanna dance with me?”_

_He still wasn’t sure about her. She had kind of a mean-looking face. And most good girls didn’t ask the boys to dance with them. But he knew it was only a matter of time before Father Williams checked in on him. “Sure, I’ll dance with you.”_

_Before he’d even finished his sentence she leapt up and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the dance floor. Just as they got onto the floor a slow song started. Great._

_Joseph put his hands on her waist, her with her hands on his shoulders. They made sure to Leave room for Jesus, as always._

_“You never told me your name,” Mary pointed out as the Pretenders played._

_“Joseph,” he replied._

_“Seems we’re meant to be, then.” He must have looked confused because she rolled her eyes. “Mary and Joseph? Like from the Bible?”_

_Joseph couldn’t help but laugh at that. Wow… How long had it been since someone had gotten him to laugh?_

_“I’ll Stand By You” continued to play as they moved around the dance floor. Joseph kept looking away to make sure Father Williams wasn’t around. Eventually, Mary got sick of it._

_“Is there some other girl you’re waiting for?” she asked. He quickly shook his head. “Then what’s going on? You don’t seem very interested in me.”_

_He could feel his chest constricting. Mary didn’t know, nobody did. But he didn’t want to ruin this. Maybe… Maybe she could be the One and he’d never have to do what that disgusting old man said ever again. The thought that someday they could have a family, live together in Maple Bay, happy and far away from this place suddenly crossed his mind._

_“Woah,” Mary breathed as he stumbled. She caught him, holding him a little closer. “Joseph… Are you okay?”_

_There was something about Mary that made him feel vulnerable. And he wasn’t sure he liked it._

_“… I have to go.”_

_“What..?”_

_Joseph gave her a weak smile, pulling away. “I’m sorry. You’ll find someone else to dance with. See you around?” Before she could stop him, he rushed off the dance floor._

 

Mary crawled into bed beside Joseph, wrapping herself around him. “You’ve got that look on your face,” she murmured, kissing his shoulder. “What’s going on? What happened?”

Closing his eyes, Joseph cuddled against her. “I’m okay. Just something that I remembered…”

Giving him a squeeze, Mary frowned. “He’s dead, Joseph,” she said, voice firm. “He’s dead and he’s not going to hurt you. You know that.”

Nodding, Joseph tried to relax himself in her arms. He just couldn’t forget. No matter how many times he reminded himself that that monster was rotting in the ground somewhere, he couldn’t forget how it felt.

“Do you remember Joey?” he slowly asked.

Mary tensed up at the mention of him and Joseph raised his eyes to look at her face. “Yes. I remember Joey. Why, did he contact you again?” Joseph quickly shook his head. Relieved, Mary ran her fingers through his hair. “Why are you thinking about him after all this time?”

“I dunno. I guess there’s just something about the new neighbors that reminded me.”

When the whole mess with Father Williams had started, Joseph couldn’t bring himself to even look at Joey. In a way, he was the reason it was happening. But it was more Joseph’s fault for thinking the way he did about him. Eventually, Joey confronted him about how distant he was. Even though Joseph didn’t tell him the truth it seemed like Joey knew something he shouldn’t have.

That was the beginning of their relationship. All Mary really knew about was the end. And based on what she knew, she couldn’t have cared less about Joey.

“Well hopefully they’re nothing like him,” Mary grumbled. She gave his forehead a peck before making to get up. “How about you take a nap? I’ll wake you up when the kids and I are ready for dinner. I think we should go out tonight.”

She had that forceful tone in her voice that meant they were doing what she said. Joseph managed a small smile and nodded in response. No use arguing with her.

 

_It had been a few years since Joseph and Joey had officially become friends. They were inseparable most days, but Joey’s family wasn’t religious. Which meant that on Sundays it was just Joseph and his family and Father Williams. The only saving grace on Sundays was Mary. She would sit with her own family, but she started coming to more and more of the youth events. Joey always declined to go._

_“Why don’t you just stop going to church?” Joey asked as he listened to Joseph strum at his guitar._

_Joseph’s E string had gone out of tune with that last strum. He started to try and adjust it. “It’s not that simple,” he finally admitted, tightening and loosening the string several times. “To my dad church is the most important thing in his life. You go to church, you spend time with your family, you go to school, and if there’s time then you can hang out with friends.”_

_Frowning, Joey shifted closer to him. “But it seems like it’s boring. And you’ve been going your entire life, don’t you know all the stories and stuff by now?”_

_“That’s not the point. You go to show your devotion to God and--”_

_Joey interrupted him, waving his hands with a frown. “No, no. None of that Jesus crap around me. I don’t care.”_

_Strumming a new chord to test his string, Joseph grumbled, “And you think I do?”_

_“... Don’t you?”_

_“Why should I? My dad’s the one who’s so obsessed with saving souls and stuff. I just have to go with because he’s my dad.”_

_Joey seemed impressed. He grinned and slipped an arm around Joseph’s waist, causing him to shiver. “I don’t think you belong in a church anyway. Churches are for good boys.” He leaned in, breathing hot air on Joseph’s neck. “And you’re not a good boy… Are you Joseph?”_

_“Joey, stop,” Joseph whined. His grip on his guitar had tightened. “You’re gonna get me in trouble.”_

_“Keep playing…” Joey shifted behind Joseph and leaned down, planting soft kisses along his shoulder. Joseph’s hands stalled on the frets. “C’mon. Keep playing or they’ll think something is up.”_

_Joseph’s heart was pounding as he played. At first he wasn’t sure what to do, but his fingers methodically fell into place and Sweet Child of Mine’s familiar riff floated into the room. Joey chuckled against his skin._

_This wasn’t new. Joey and Joseph had slowly been growing closer and closer since they were children. It started as odd kisses in the back of the school yard, then hand in hand in the movie theater or a subtle hand on his waist at the arcade. When they were alone in his room, it felt different than it did in the church. It was gentle and sweet. He was happier here. He’d rather be here than at the church any day._

_“Ohhh sweet child of mine,” Joey sang at the chorus. “Oh sweet love of mine…” He moved his lips up to Joseph’s throat causing the blond’s breath to hitch._

_Joey didn’t quite know the full extent of what happened to Joseph. And Joseph hoped he never would. But he was there for him when few other people were, and Joseph was grateful._

 

Over the next year, Robert and Joseph began to bond. Marilyn and Mary got along fairly well, which obviously meant Robert and Joseph had to start spending time together, too, or risk sitting alone. The more time Joseph spent with him the more he was able to pick away the parts of Robert that had reminded him of Joey. He was slowly becoming his own person, and a much better friend than Joey had been toward the end.

Robert was feisty. He liked to crack jokes that didn’t sound like jokes and tell long stories that usually turned out to be untrue. Sometimes it was helpful to have Marilyn around so she could let you know what was what, but other times it was just fun guessing.

He was definitely one of the coolest friends Joseph had had since he moved back to Maple Bay. He worked on his motorcycle with the garage door open on Saturdays and wore a leather jacket when he went out at night. But maybe Joseph rubbed off on him at some point, because after a while Robert started to wear what could only be described as Dad Sweaters.

There was a small assortment of them that he’d wear occasionally to barbecues and church functions. Joseph’s favorite was a powder-blue one. It didn’t have anything on it, no markings or extra bells and whistles. The color was just appealing, especially against Robert’s darker skin.

Robert wasn’t perfect, it was clear to see that. Joseph was quick to note that he went to the bar just about every night and that sometimes when he got back he could hear Marilyn yelling or crying. Living alone made it easy to slip out to the bar every once in awhile, Joseph remembered those days. But having a family meant giving up on some things. For Joseph, it had been tequila. Robert, it seemed, hadn’t been able to kick his own vice quite so easily.

For a while Joseph had planned to say something and offer to help. He was a counselor, after all, he could have helped them. But he also didn’t want to get involved in their marriage, and so he said nothing.

Joseph couldn’t help but notice that their daughter Val didn’t come by much. He’d found out from talks with Robert that she was in college in New York and that the couple had moved out here to settle down. The only thing Val and Robert did together was ride their motorcycles occasionally.

Val stopped coming around completely after the accident.

It was one, maybe two in the morning when the Christensen household got the phone call. Joseph groaned and rolled out of bed, going down to the kitchen to grab the land line. “Hello?” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Joseph…”

Joseph frowned, listening closer. “Robert..? Hey, buddy, what’s up? Why are you calling so late?”

Robert’s breathing sounded labored, like he was trying to hold something in. “Can you come to the hospital? Please. I… I need you.”

That was all it took. Joseph left a note for Mary and rushed off, arriving at the hospital only a few minutes later. Robert was outside, smoking a cigarette. His hand was shaking something fierce, causing the accumulation of ashes to fall off steadily.

“Robert,” Joseph breathed as he came close. He was shocked as Robert threw his arms around him, holding him tight.

“What happened?” Joseph finally asked, trying to push Robert away. “Are you okay? Is Marilyn… Is she okay?”

Robert’s hold on him tightened. Joseph could see his shoulders shaking, he could feel the shoulder of his old Margaritaville tee shirt growing wet. “She’s gone,” Robert choked out. “Marilyn is dead.”

 

 _“He’s dead, Joseph_ , _” Mary was saying. It was like the world was spinning at a different angle. He couldn’t feel anything, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel anything._

_“When?” he finally managed._

_“Couple days ago. I figured you’d be interested in knowing, considering your… History.”_

_Joseph gripped the receiver tighter. “Don’t say it like that,” he grumbled._

_A silence fell between them. Finally, Mary said, “You should come back, Joseph.” He let out a bitter laugh. That had to be some kind of joke. “Listen to me. There are people here who miss you. You can’t just go running around looking for El Dorado or whatever with your little sex pal. You need to learn how to be an adult. You have to take some responsibility and--”_

_“And what? Come back to all the lies and shame?” Joseph hissed. “You want me to come back there for a funeral for a man who tortured me for seven years of my life? Oh, wait. Not tortured. Raped, Mary. He raped me.”_

_“I’m not asking you to come back for him,” Mary corrected. “That bastard is dead and good riddance to him. I’m asking you to come back for me.”_

_Joseph gritted his teeth, unsure what she meant by that. “Come back for you?”_

_“I don’t know what you’ve been doing. And I don’t want to know. But Joseph, you know I’m here for you. I want you to come home and I want you… I want you to be happy. Didn’t you ever think you and me… Maybe?”_

_He remembered their first time dancing. He remembered meeting up with her after the Purity Ball. He remembered the night he said goodbye._

_“Sometimes,” Joseph admitted._

_Mary was quiet for a moment. “The funeral is on Saturday afternoon. If you want to skip it, I’ll be waiting for you Sunday.” She didn’t wait for a response, hanging up._

_He looked around his shabby house boat. There were empty bottles of tequila and cheap vodka lying all over the place. Margaritaville played over the radio in the corner. It had been months since he’d last seen Joey, and for a while he’d convinced himself he was okay being alone. But the thought of Mary’s calming presence and of how understanding and caring she’d been when he finally told her everything…_

_Jimmy Buffet had never sounded so sullen. A few minutes later and he was climbing to the helm and setting off._

 

For several months no one saw head or tails of Robert. The only time Joseph got a chance to speak to him was when he would bring him a casserole once every couple of days. He wasn’t convinced Robert was even eating them, but he took them anyway.

Joseph was desperate to get his friend back. Things with Mary weren’t going so well. At first everything had seemed great, of course. When he came back to Maple Bay it was like all his mistakes from the past were washed away and she took him in with open arms. But just after they got married it started to turn south. Everything he did was wrong. He started to lean toward getting into drinking again. And soon enough she was unhappy.

Then they would have sex and she was better.

That was how Chris and the twins were born. All he had to do was give her what she wanted. But this time it wasn’t the same. It was like the spider's thread that was keeping them together was on its last leg.

He wasn’t completely blameless in all this. He was spending more time at work, he was trying harder to get Robert to let him in than he was with his children. Joseph wasn’t perfect, he’d never claimed to be. But when Mary got in these moods, he couldn’t stand to be around her. Joseph was starting to feel hopeless, that old pain in his chest was starting to come back every time he thought about going home.

Then one night, Robert finally agreed to let him in.

“Sorry for the mess,” he grumbled. “You can put that on the stove.”

Without waiting for Joseph to come inside, Robert shuffled off to the living room. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table and cracked a beer, unpausing Rebel Without a Cause. Joseph waded his way to the kitchen through empty bottles and trash, setting the warm casserole aside. For a moment he was going to just leave, but the thought of returning to Mary wasn’t a pleasant one.

Instead, he started running the water in the sink.

“Hey,” Robert snapped from the doorway. Joseph glanced over his shoulder at him. “What are you doing?”

“Figured you would like some clean dishes to eat off of,” Joseph replied, innocently. He was already halfway through the first load of dishes, placing them in the strainer.

Robert crossed the room to him, grabbing his arm and turning him forcefully. “I didn’t ask you to clean,” he hissed.

Unperturbed, Joseph narrowed his eyes. He kept that neighborly smile on his lips. “You didn’t need to ask. I’m trying to do a good deed.”

His fingers clenching tighter around Joseph’s arm, Robert leaned even closer. “I’m not a child. I can take care of myself,” he hissed.

“Tell that to the mountain of dishes on the counter.”

Joseph was sure he was about to get decked.

 

_“How was the Purity Ball?”_

_Mary was sitting outside the church in a traditional white dress, knees pulled to her chest as she cried into them. She whipped her head around to face Joseph, giving him the meanest look he’d ever seen. If he didn’t know any better he’d think she was about to throw down._

_“How do you think it was?” she demanded, clumsily wiping away her tears._

_Joseph sat down next to her, picking at the knee of his jeans. “Looks like something happened. But I don’t want to assume.”_

_She picked at a broken piece of cement next to her. “It’s my dad… He doesn’t get me at all.”_

_“I think that’s normal for parents and their kids.”_

_“I guess… But I mean. I didn’t even want to come to this stupid purity ball. I don’t… Belong here."_

_Joseph glanced at her. She was wearing the ring, glaring down at it as though it was stabbing her with every second it stayed on. He frowned in concentration. “What do you mean you don’t belong here?”_

_She elected not to answer, instead turning to look at him. “How come guys don’t have to pledge to be virgins too? It doesn’t make sense. If guys are the ones who are trying to get in our pants, shouldn’t they promise?”_

_Joseph let out a nervous laugh. “I think that’s a fair thing to ask. If it was up to me, I’d definitely go. I’d give my virginity to my mom in a heartbeat.” He put a hand to his chest. “Dear mom… She’d take good care of it until my wedding night.”_

_Mary chuckled, wiping away the last of her tears._

_“You’re probably not a virgin though, are you?” His whole body went rigid. “Woof. Touchy subject, huh?”_

_A stiff silence fell between them until Joseph finally said, “It wasn’t by choice.”_

_Mary hesitated. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Shrugging one shoulder, Joseph didn’t respond. She looked over him, at his messy hair and his half-done belt. His eyes looked red, too, as though he’d been crying. “Why… Are you at the church anyway? Guys don’t go to the purity ball…”_

_Joseph shot her a mysterious smile, winked, and put a finger to his lips. But even as he tried to smile a tear slid down his cheek._

_“Who? Who is it?”_

_“I can’t tell you that.”_

_“Tell me who it is, I swear to god I’ll kick their ass.”_

_“That’s not very lady-like of you,” Joseph teased, but he had a more genuine smile on his face as he said it._

_Since that first dance they’d gotten to know one another well enough. Mary would have even dared call them friends. But she never would have suspected anything like this. Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his. “Joseph,” she breathed._

_Slowly, he shifted his hand in hers, lacing their fingers. He leaned his head on her shoulder and she had to shift closer to keep him upright. “You can’t tell anyone,” he murmured and she nodded. “It’s, uh… Father Williams.”_

_“Isn’t he a priest?”_

_“He’s still human.” It sounded as though he wanted to add, “barely,” but restrained himself._

_Mary bit her lip, resting her head on Joseph’s. “Can’t you tell someone..?” She could feel his grip on her hand tightening like a vice._

_“No. Absolutely not. If anyone found out, do you know how much trouble I’d get into?”_

_Scoffing, Mary asked, “Why on earth would you get in trouble for him doing that? This is the first time, right, so if we go right away, we can…” Joseph was shaking his head. “... The second time?” He shook it again. “... Third..?”_

_He was laughing now, but there was no heart in it. Finally, though she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer, Mary slowly asked, “Since when?”_

_“I think I was ten… Eleven?”_

_“How the hell did no one notice?”_

_“I’m a model teenager. I volunteered for the church choir and the bake sales and the youth functions. I was an alter boy.” He gave her a sad smile. “I kind of put myself in places he could easily get to me--”_

_Mary punched his shoulder. Hard._

_“What was that for?” Joseph asked, rubbing his quickly-numbing arm._

_“This. Is not. Your fault,” Mary snarled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and anyone who dares to think you did is stupid.”_

_They fell quiet, sitting alone together and listening to the muffled tunes of Journey coming through the door behind them. Finally, Mary spoke up._

_“We can go to the police. You can tell them everything you know.”_

_“Mary…”_

_“You should have plenty of evidence. And I’m sure somebody noticed something but maybe they didn’t want to say anything.”_

_“Mary.”_

_“And your dad will definitely be on our side. He runs the youth ministry, right? He knows the guy, I’m sure he’s seen something, I--”_

_Joseph suddenly grabbed her wrist. “Mary, stop.” Frowning, she turned to him, but her anger fell away when she saw the defeated look on his face. “Nobody is going to do anything. They’ll just end up covering it up. He’s our only priest and it’s a small town. I’m the only one so… Let’s just forget it. Honestly..? I shouldn’t have even told you.”_

_Mary hesitated before shifting closer to him again, this time she put her head on his shoulder. “I’m glad you did,” she murmured. “I always wondered what was up with you, Christensen, but I guess it makes sense now.” They sat in silence as the muted sounds of Faithfully concluded._

_He didn’t need for her to say anything else. All he needed was for her to be there._

 

Though Robert didn’t hit him, he did do something equally shocking. In furious passion, Robert suddenly yanked Joseph closer to himself, crushing their lips together in a hard kiss. The sting of whiskey hit Joseph’s nose the second they connected. He didn’t respond, he just waited.

Eventually, Robert stumbled back, looking pale.

“I, uh... “

Joseph reached behind himself, switching the water off. Wordlessly, he handed the wet sponge over to Robert and bolted.

“Joseph, wait!” Robert was calling behind him as he hurried across his yard. He paused at the door, hesitating before he looked back.

Robert was standing in the middle of the lawn separating their houses. He looked even more of a mess out in the moonlight, his hair greasy and hanging around his face in clumps and wearing a rumpled, unwashed tee shirt with sweatpants. Joseph’s breathing was quick and fearful as he eyed his heartbroken neighbor.

“I’m sorry,” was all Robert managed. “I’m so sorry.”

That look in his eyes… Joseph had the sudden urge to go back with him, but instead he gave Robert a fake “it’s okay” smile and slipped into his house.

_Joseph was panicked. He didn’t know what to do. All he could think to do was to run, and run far. His chest was on fire by the time he reached the docks, his feet stinging as he stepped into the sand. Glancing down he found he’d forgotten his shoes._

_A familiar hand grasped his wrist and he whipped around, coming face-to-face with Joey. “Joseph,” Joey breathed, looking at him in alarm. “Dude, what… What’s going on? I saw you running, I… Is that blood?”_

_Joseph glanced down at his white polo. There were tiny splatters of blood across it, as well as a darker spot on his chest. His nose dripped another blot onto the shirt and he quickly wiped at it with the back of his hand._

_“What happened?” Joey wouldn’t let go of him._

_“I couldn’t take it anymore,” Joseph whispered. Everything had happened so fast, there was a whirlwind of memories now. “I couldn’t… He started to… To try and do it again and all I could think was that I had to leave I had to get out of there as fast as I could.”_

_Joey shook his head slightly. “What are you talking about? Who tried to do what?”_

_Joseph tried his best to compose himself, but he was in a frenzy. “I want to leave, Joey. I need to get the hell out of Maple Bay.”_

_“Woah, easy…” Joey slid an arm around Joseph to keep him upright. He was so exhausted. “Joseph, what happened? Is someone trying to hurt you? You know I can help, I can--”_

_“Just take me away, Joey. Please. I just want to go far, far away from here and I never want to come back to this god damn hell hole!”_

_Joey watched Joseph with a mix of pity and fear in his eyes. “It’ll be okay… I promised you, didn’t I? That once I had some money we could run away and we’d go find Margaritaville. But now isn’t… I mean, all I have is my car, we have nothing.”_

_Joseph choked, putting his face in his hands. He couldn’t stand it here. He needed to get away, he needed an out. “I’m going to die here, Joey,” he whimpered. “I can’t be with you, I can’t get away from him, I’m not safe. I’m not safe, my own father won’t even protect me. I need to get away.”_

_“I… I want to get away, too.”_

_An idea suddenly hit Joseph. He slowly looked up at Joey. “I know… Where my dad keeps some extra cash.”_

_Joey’s face went pale. “You what?”_

_“He’s got tons of it. He… He doesn’t need it. He won’t miss it. Come on, Joey, we can just take my dad’s money and we can run away. We can get a house boat, we can live out on the ocean. Please. Please, Joey, I don’t want to go on my own.”_

_Joey was a wild child, certainly. He’d done some shady things in his time. But the idea of stealing money, even if it was from Joseph’s dad, that was something he wasn’t sure he could justify. But the look on the other’s face, the way he seemed so desperate…_  

_“Okay, baby,” Joey breathed. “We’ll leave tonight._

 

The next day Joseph was back at Robert’s door, knocking and holding a casserole once again. Robert opened it a crack, then quickly closed it. Not surprising. Joseph knocked again. “Robert?” he called. “Can we talk?”

There was a moment or so where Joseph thought he was going to have to leave the casserole and go home. Suddenly, the door popped open.

Joseph slipped inside, pushing the door closed behind him. Strangely, it looked a little neater than the last time he’d been inside. Robert was leaning against the railing, arms crossed and studying him. He’d showered, at least, although he’d put on the same clothes he was wearing yesterday. And he definitely looked sober.

“If this is your friendly neighborhood way of saying ‘stay away from me and my family’ I read you loud and clear,” Robert grumbled.

Joseph looked down at the casserole then back up at Robert. Robert hadn’t noticed before, but his eyes were puffy and red, as though he’d been crying. A jolt of guilt went through him.

“Look… I’m sorry. Okay? I was… Vulnerable and upset, and I haven’t wanted to see anybody but it’s been months and you’re still coming by and I just keep thinking about how good you’ve been to me since I arrived and--”

“I wasn’t crying about you,” Joseph interjected. He took a moment to move to the kitchen and put the casserole on the stove. The dish from yesterday was soaking in the sink, so at least Robert was eating. When he turned to go back into the foyer he found Robert waiting behind him by the table.

“What were you crying about, then?” he asked, slowly.

Joseph leaned back against the stove, clasping his hands as he thought of how to begin. “I don’t know if this is appropriate for me to talk about. You’re still grieving and it isn’t fair of me to come over here with my own problems.”

“Just tell me.”

Nodding, Joseph gave him a sad smile. “Mary and I… We’re taking a bit of a break.”

Robert swallowed, staring him down. “You what?”

“I suppose a break is a bad way to put that. She’s leaving me.”

It was so difficult to say. The silence that followed was deafening.

“Oh… Joseph. Man, I’m… I’m really sorry. Really, she’s leaving you?”

Joseph nodded. He couldn’t bare to meet Robert’s eyes. He was staring at him so intently, waiting for something else. The question was, would it be okay for Joseph to give in to that? He and Mary had just had their final fight last evening, she had taken the kids away to her parents house. But that didn’t mean that they would never get back together.

He chanced a look at Robert. He hadn’t moved from his spot by the kitchen table. Looking at that unshaven face, those dirty clothes, that desperate pleading in his eyes, Joseph’s heartbeat quickened a step or two. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about Robert, really. They were friends, that was for sure, but was he really willing to do this? If he did it meant that his marriage was over, officially.

“How long has this been going on?” Robert finally asked.

Joseph bit his lip. “Since Chris was born, I suppose. There hasn’t ever been much there for us. It was a marriage of necessity in a lot of ways.”

“So you don’t… Love her?”

Joseph took in a sharp breath. It sounded so harsh when Robert said it. But he had to admit something, if not for himself then for Robert’s sake.

“No. I don’t know that I ever loved her. Not romantically, anyway.”

Robert had taken a step closer.

“Robert,” Joseph breathed. “I don’t know about this. You’re still upset over Marilyn and Mary just left last night. I don’t know if this is the best way for us to do this.” Robert stopped in his tracks. “But, I… I can’t deny it… I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

That had done it. Robert closed the gap between them, taking Joseph’s face into his hands. The kiss was hard and desperate. There was a need there that was palpable. Joseph was relieved to find that Robert was sober today. Good. At least he knew this was real.

That night Joseph found himself naked in Robert’s bed with his face in his hands. Robert was fast asleep beside him, facing the wall and snoring quietly. It was so difficult to tell whether or not they’d both enjoyed themselves. Joseph was trembling, there were hickies and marks all over his body. If Mary came home and saw that she’d never take him back.

His throat tightened at the thought. Did he really want Mary to take him back? Even after he’d slept with Robert? Even after he’d taken advantage of his neighbor, his friend? He chanced a look at Robert’s sleeping form.

This was wrong. This was a mistake. He couldn’t do this anymore.

 

_Joey was storming around their little house boat, grabbing pieces of clothing, bottles, and CDs and shoving them into a suitcase. Joseph was following behind, trying to stop him._

_“Joey, stop! Stop, please! We can make this work, we’ll be okay!”_

_Rounding on Joseph, Joey snarled, “The money’s gone, Joseph. You drank it away. And like hell I’m getting a job just so I can take care of you and your little habit.”_

_Joseph sobbed, putting a hand over his mouth. “Joey,” he whimpered. “Joey, please.”_

_“I said no, Joseph!” He slammed another fistful of clothes into the bag and violently zipped it shut. “It was fun at first, the sex and the sea and all that but it’s time to come back to reality. You need to get a life.”_

_He shouldered one bag and grabbed the other, making his way to the dock. Joseph followed, putting a hand on his arm._

_“We can make it work. I can get a job, I’ll do anything. I don’t want to be alone, Joey, please don’t leave.”_

_Joey shrugged his hand off. “You know what you were to me?” Joseph waited, staring at the back of his head. “You were a good lay. You were a good lay and you had money. Your dad has a yacht for Christ's sake. But this? This thing you want? This is work. I’m not here for that.” Joseph could feel himself trembling as Joey started to walk down the dock._

_For two years he’d lived with this man. They had everything they needed, but suddenly all the money they’d taken was gone. He thought back on their relationship, on all the conversations and late night rendezvous, and it suddenly hit him hard._

_Somehow, Joey hadn’t been any better for him than that damn priest had._

 

Six months. Joseph ended up leading Robert on for six damn months as he tried to figure out what to do. Mary wasn’t coming back anytime soon. He hadn’t heard from her, she was clearly still angry. And in that time Joseph just gravitated toward Robert. They went to Jim and Kim’s for drinks, they walked the beach together. And of course they had sex. Lots and lots of sex.

But Joseph had been certain never to say anything that would convince Robert that he was committed. What he wanted was someone to be close to. He needed human contact, something warm and strong to ground him while his life fell apart around him. It had been a long time since he’d been with a man, but there was something disgustingly comforting about it.

It didn’t hurt that Robert was so good at it.

At the end of those six months, Joseph finally got word from Mary. She came back to him and sat him down, explaining how wrong she’d been and how much she missed him. It was almost like a bad dream.

Now all he had to do was talk to Robert.

“Howdy, neighbor,” Robert teased as he watched Joseph approach. “Oh, did I leave that on the yacht again?” Joseph was carrying Robert’s blue dad sweater, the one that he always admired. 

“Yeah. I thought maybe you’d want it back.”

Robert gave him a sweet smile. “You keep it, hm? I know it’s your favorite.”

Joseph wasn’t sure he’d be okay with that after they finished talking, but he clasped it tight to his chest anyway. “So Robert… You and I, we’ve been having a lot of fun lately.”

“Mmhm,” Robert purred, rubbing a hand along Joseph’s side. He didn’t respond to the gesture.

“But… It’s not… I mean, it isn’t what you’d think.”

Silence. Then, “What do you mean?”

“I mean… That Mary came back.”

Joseph could see the pain in Robert’s face, then the shame. “You said… She was gone. You told me you two were through.”

“I thought we were,” Joseph insisted. “I haven’t heard from her, I didn’t know what was going on. I just needed someone to--”

“To what?” Robert snapped. “You wanted someone to fuck you so you didn’t have to feel bad about your failing marriage? Is that it?!” Joseph shook his head quickly, opening his mouth to argue. “No. You know what? I should have known. The drinks and the yacht. What, were you guys even separated at all? Was the whole thing a big lie?”

“She was gone, Robert, I--”

“Yeah. Sure she was.” Robert was fuming. For the second time in as many months Joseph was sure he was about to get his ass kicked. “Fuck you, Joseph,” he finally managed. “You’re a shitty person.”

 

Joseph was unable to get a word in as Robert stormed into his house, slamming and locking the door behind him.

_“You’re sure you want to work at the church?” Mary asked him, uncertain._

_Joseph had just submitted his application to be the youth minister, just like his father had been. They walked along the beach, looking for the St. Peter. It was all there. The house, the money, the yacht; everything had been left to Joseph in his parents will. And shortly after coming back to Maple Bay, they both passed leaving him with a huge house and money to burn. But it wasn’t enough. He needed to get better, and this was a way to do it._

_“If I don’t work there, what’s going to happen?” Mary looked confused. “If I’m not there, if someone who knows what can happen doesn’t keep a watchful eye, what happened to me is going to happen to others.”_

_Mary had stopped walking and Joseph had to stop as well, turning to her. “You’re serious. You came all the way back here after he died just so you can keep it from happening again?”_

_“That wasn’t really the plan. The plan was to try and get some closure with my parents and maybe get my life back on track,” Joseph admitted. “But now that I’m here and sober and… better, I realized that that’s what I was meant to do. It’s what God called me to do.”_

_She stepped closer, shocked. “You’re dead serious about this Jesus thing, huh?”_

_Joseph gave her a small smile. “When you lose yourself as much as I did, you have to have something to believe in.”_

_The waves crashed on the schooners and boats beside them. Seagulls cried out before diving to the beach down the way. Mary wasn’t sure she completely believed him, but even if Joseph was playing a part to give himself some closure, that was fine with her._

 

It was hard for him to admit, but in reality Joseph had never meant to hurt Robert. It was a circumstance of keeping up appearances. Joseph had hit rock bottom before, he’d lost his faith and his life. He’d lost his family, and love. But he wasn’t about to give up any of that again, not even for Robert.

He did his best to still be kind to the widower, but it was clear he’d badly burned that bridge. It maybe didn’t help that he felt comforted by wearing Robert’s old sweater around his shoulders. The first day he’d worn it to a church event he saw Robert storm off to the bar in the middle of the day.

On the other end of things, Joseph made the mistake of lying to Mary about the affair. She began talking with Robert, then fighting with Robert, but after a while she ended up taking his side. Even after having their fourth child, it seemed the trust was completely broken between them. For awhile Joseph wondered why she didn’t just leave him if she was so angry about it. But as he looked over at her sleeping beside him he realized it wasn’t her fault.

She would never leave. That was the price he had to pay, his penance to God so he could finally have his slate wiped clean. 


End file.
